This is a list. Your illustrious co-hosts are back and rarin’ to go with nip-belts, chickenery, and weird alternate reality social experiments. We get caught in the lie of having seen The Avengers, stay up-to-date on the Sexy Archer Pantheon, and discover that Freddie Prinze, Jr. and the Rock have effectively switched careers. Blair mispronounces “Thomer Jefferson” while Eli can’t say “oover,” and no one can remember the lyrics to the “Friends” theme song. We know you’re IMDP-DTF-Ampersand-DP: please let us know of any others.
Yes, the Blair and Eli Sentman Thorncast has finally reached the age of majority! And we’ve got fertile comedic ground to plow: Joe Biden impressions, how to build bagpipes, Rule 34 for covers of “Flight of the Bumblebee,” and Rob Thomas (but not that Rob Thomas). Eli’s got a lot in common with Coolio, Blair sounds just like Gilbert Gottfried, and a patent troll wants the “His Master’s Voice” dog neutered and killed. Get ready for a game of b-ball AKA me-ball, because a barrel is no place for a monkey.
Long awaited, faintly praised, and fondly remembered, our live episode is here at last! Martin Luther King day has come and gone, so it’s high time to feast your ears on the glory of stupid jokes about Carrot Top, competitive rounds of “Hey, it’s That Guy!” and call-ins from Eli’s aunt. Plus, we take a break for pigs in a blanket, give out swag to the multitudes, and almost FALL OFF OUR STOOLS with enjoyment. We were glad to see you there if you were, and if you weren’t, hurry up and email Blair before the t-shirts run out.
(P.S. The audio for this episode is a lee-hee-heeeetle bit quieter than usual, so you may need to crank it up. Blame our sound intern, Gary Thornburgh)
Think about it: have you ever seen Guy Fieri and Mark McGrath in the same place? This week, we’re hitting you with metaphorical sharks, transportation-related celebrity deaths, Hufflepuff BrainQuest decks, and Trixiphus the Rabbit. Eli writes Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead Sexy and Blair spits blood after eating Cap’n Crunch, and we both muse how some Canadian executives would threaten to come near the throats of the Monkey Union with safety scissors. Make up your mind between Sex and Candy and rock out to tertiary bands of the 90s, ‘cause our avatar is a Pikachu, so you know it’s gonna be good.
All worship at the altar of Bob Modell! It’s Christmastime, and you know what that means: George Michael gets a gift from the butcher on the Brady Bunch. We look at which holiday songs are secretly about fugitive slaves, investigate the notoriously raucous lifestyle of Canadian Football League stars, and take a three-night trip to see some polar bears. Blair imagines an arthouse episode of Undercover Boss and Eli tastes his first swig of eggnog, and both remember the simpler days of watching controversial subtitles on Joe Millionaire with their dads. Get bitten once and be shy forever: Home Depot is just not that exciting.
Wanna know how Seal got those scars? Find out on a visit to the James K. Polk Emporium and two separate instances of talking about the existence of the movie “The Alamo!” Plus, Eli’s revealed as a younger version of Gary Busey who is ineligible for the Oreo Speed Licking League while Blair’s got face-blindness and a shallow understanding of the founding of the country of Wales. Guests include Josh Hartnett, Gerry Mander, Alien Contactee Lionel Anderson, and Josh Hartnett. So crack open the Disney vault and put on your copy of “Songs Your 7th Grade Self Wants to Slow Dance To:” this couch is actually stuffed with $100 bills.
Do you need closure for all the plot threads from Johnny English 1? Good, because we’ve got NO DEARTH of Mel Brooks impressions. We go shopping for books about Princess Diana and Chris Farley’s powwows in the afterlife, try to place James Bond somewhere on the Kinsey scale, and puzzle out a Quebecois cultural equivalent for “Day of the Marmot.” Plus: an exclusive sneak peak into Famous Actor Mark Ruffalo’s many moonlighting operations! Pop open a Big K Cola and ascend to the Earth Plane, because there’s nothing more mediocre than “Changing Lanes” with Samuel Adams…unless it’s actually Samuel L. Jackson.
Temporal synchronance does not a holiday theme make, you guys. Nevertheless, this episode is jam-packed with seasonal segments: Lists of Films Involving People Wearing Bonnets, Famous Bridges in Turkey, and the complete Thanksgiving oeuvre of Martin Brest. The Hon. Judge Reinhold stickles for the law, Da Vinci does some spec work for the Tootsie Roll company, and we take an exciting preseason look at the hot new prospects in our favorite noncompetitive sport. PLUS: the second ho-oh-whoa-oh-iest montage we’ve ever done. Sell out your lion Jesus for turkish delight and maybe eat some turtledove wings, because no one will ever choose you, Darren. What a great gift!
When was the first time YOU remember encountering William H. Macy? How does the rest of the world get their Perry Mason fix? And what do Hegemon of Phaisos, Weird Al, and our own Eli Sentman have in common? Blair forgets who Breckin Meyer is, Eli does a terrible impersonation of a German Wolf Blitzer, and humanity agrees that there is no need for a musical version of ‘Calendar Girls.’ Plus: we reveal that there is actually a WHOLE CITY between New York and D.C.! Keep your boy-band orthography consistent unless you have WebTV, because Boy is about to Meet Chair.
Sorry to break it to you, Zooey Deschanel’s character from Failure to Launch, but this episode will NOT help you with your avian stakeout. What you will learn about are things like condom cloaking technology, the collective archetype of the stegosaurus, “6 Famous Boats You Didn’t Know Were Boats,” and the omnipresence of Daniel Day Lewis in American history up to and including the civil war. Take a visit to Crustacean Park with the Paul Giamatti Booster Club: it’s slightly more bearable with a VHS of “The WIzard of Oz.”